5 Warning Signs of Domestic Violence in Relationships

About half of the women in the world have been victims of intimate partner violence at some point in their lives and it is the leading cause of injury for women between the ages of 15-44 in the United States. Often women say that they are not sure how they got into abusive relationships and after realizing their partner’s violent tendencies were unsure of how to leave. There are five signs that a romantic relationship is abusive or headed in that direction:

1.) Growing levels of isolation- violent partners often isolate these women from their family, friends and sometimes jobs. This makes them completely dependent of the violent partner and with no witness to what is taking place in the home, nobody to show the bruises to.

2.) Emotional abuse- usually these men use hurtful words and insults to break down a woman’s self-worth and self-esteem. Doing this enhances her feelings that she will be unable to survive or completely incompetent without the relationship.

3.) Psychological abuse- this includes destroying property, hurting pets and /or using surveillance to keep the woman under constant watch.

4.) Sexual abuse- there are many ways that sexual abuse is displayed, it includes (but is not limited to): false accusations of infidelity ties to terrifying inquisitions, claiming sexual ownership over partner, forced sexual acts and coercing partner into unwanted sexual acts.

5.) Escalating levels of control- this can include things such as giving the woman an allowance and insisting she has receipts to account for every penny, constant monitoring of cell phone call log and not allowing the female partner to go anywhere in public without male partner.

If you or someone you know is involved in a relationship that involved domestic violence don’t lose hope. There are many resources and professionals that can help. It is important to reach out to a professional counselor to get help. These professionals can assist you in creating safety plans while in the home and a detailed exit strategy on how to get out of an abusive relationship. If your partner exhibits any of the behaviors above, but has not physically assaulted you it will be easier to leave before the violence starts. For more detailed information on where to go and what to do check the domestic violence website

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Valentine December 8, 2019 0 Comments

Differences in Personality, Intelligence and Education in Relationships

Mismatched couples come in many forms that produce varying levels of incompatibility. They include differences in personalities, levels of intelligence and education. Commonly, people fall in love and ignore these common signs of incompatibility even though they may be visible early in the relationship. Many years may go by before the extent of the mismatch is recognized.

PERSONALITY

Compatible personalities are generally essential for an intimate relationship to develop. Aggressive people have difficulty living with passive mates without conflicts occurring. Once the bloom of love has diminished, aggressive spouses may become aggravated by the quieter, passive and often shy or dependent partner. More likely, boredom develops. Often the passive or dependent person wants more tenderness and warmth, especially during sex, than is offered by a more aggressive partner.

Marked differences in personality types are apt to create relationship problems. An introverted and inhibited person clashes with a suspicious and angry spouse. A fearful and phobic partner has trouble with an outgoing and fearless mate. One who is afraid of getting close to people may be in conflict with a person who reaches out and befriends everyone.

INTELLIGENCE

The levels of intelligence can negatively impact a relationship when the woman is decidedly more intelligent than her mate. Some couples can survive this, but eventually the woman outshines her partner in work, play and in their interaction. The various positive elements in the relationship often compensate for this difference and thus relegate intelligence to a low level of influence.

Many couples can handle a relationship when the woman is less intelligent, though it often backfires when the difference is too great and the woman lacks the capacity to adequately interact. The way a person uses intelligence is often more consequential than the actual intelligence quotients.

The freedom to express warmth, love and deep caring influences a couple far more than knowledge of current events. Reaching deeply into a person’s feelings and sharing intimate and meaningful discussions markedly affects the viability of a loving relationship. Sensitivity, empathy and intuition are powerful forces for true compatibility.

EDUCATIONAL LEVELS

With the large number of women (half of all college students) seeking graduate and post-graduate education, the marked differences in this area have diminished. How this influences marriage is difficult to assess.

Advanced education usually determines knowledge and expertise in certain limited categories. A PhD in chemistry, physics, anthropology and other subjects does not fully indicate the educational breadth a person attains. Being self-educated and a dedicated reader can help many people become highly educated, often more than those with advanced degrees.

At times problems arise when a highly educated person marries a relatively poorly educated person. Their ease of communication may suffer. Thus the intimacy and shared pleasure of conversation may falter and cause rifts in the relationship. By making the pursuit of education and learning life-long, problems in this area will tend to be minimal.

Incompatibility in relationships occurs in many guises and needs to be recognized early before there is an erosion of the intimacy and love that partners share. Ways to diminish and even overcome deficiencies that may arise are available. Learning more about various techniques to modify personality, in addition to psychotherapy, if needed, can remove barriers that may influence compatibility.

Improving education can reduce feelings of inferiority and enhance communication skills. Intelligence is not irrevocably fixed and can be modified through increasing creativity and developing areas that strongly interest you or where you believe a talent exists. As self-esteem rises a greater desire to improve oneself develops and this can become a winning combination for self-development.

Intelligence comes in many forms and is not necessarily linked to an IQ test. Not hiding from the differences and seeking change and sharing the methods to improve the relationship despite incompatibility can overcome most difficulties that couples face. Do not compare yourself to anyone else, You are a unique person and so is your partner. Find ways to support and assist each other as you work toward change and personal growth.

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Valentine November 30, 2019 0 Comments

Your Girlfriend Wants a Break – What Does it Mean?

Believe it or not when your girlfriend asks for a break it’s good news. It means she’s not through with the relationship yet, and hasn’t fully decided to break up with you. In the meantime she wants something done.

If your girlfriend wants a break, what she usually wants is change. How you address her offer to put your relationship on hold will affect whether or not you get back together with your ex-girlfriend.

Often times, the request for a break will come from out of nowhere. That’s because you didn’t see anything wrong with the relationship but your girlfriend did. She’s not happy with the way things are, and maybe she’s even tried to talk to you about that.

Maybe her words fell on deaf ears, and you didn’t take the time to listen to what she was saying. This resulted in her feeling frustrated, and maybe even angry with you at not hearing her out. To get your attention she pulls the ultimate move: “I think we should take a break from each other”.

If you’re not careful, your break will become a breakup. This is why need to act very quickly as soon as your girlfriend decides that she needs some time away from you. Wait too long, and she’s going to lose interest, and maybe even find another guy. Handling the situation immediately is your only option.

As soon as you girlfriend suggests taking a break from your relationship, you need to calm down, look her in the eye, and nod your head. By not fighting her on her decision to walk away, you’re effectively walking away from yourself. She doesn’t expect this or wants it. What she wants is for you to fight for the relationship, which shows that you actually care.

It’s not that you don’t care, but you cannot show her any signs of weakness right now. What she wants is to make a lasting impact in your mind – she wants to send you the message that she means business, and that you need to take her feelings carefully into consideration.

Your girlfriend actually wants one thing: for you to talk her out of the break. She wants to hear that you’ll change for her and that you’ve understood how wrong you are about certain things. Instead of doing that, you must walk away – at least for now.

Bowing down and catering to her at this moment will let her know that the weapon she used will be effective against you in the future. She’ll always remember what happened here and know that threatening to break up with you gets the results that she wants. That’s the last thing you need if you want to continue a good, healthy relationship with your girlfriend.

Imagine your girlfriend’s reaction when you don’t fight her on the idea of breaking up. Even if she phrases it as “only a break”, you need to treat it as if your girlfriend is actually breaking up with you. You need to break contact, turn off your phone, unplug your computer, and move on with your life. When you’re not chasing her, she’s very quickly going to get very nervous about where you are and what you’re doing.

What she wanted, was you to stick around in a neutral, friendly way so she could keep tabs on what you’re doing and decide when she wants to get back together with you. By taking yourself away and refusing to play her game, you’re putting yourself into a position of power and leaving her with none of the good cards in the deck.

When your girlfriend wants a break it’s nothing but a game. It’s her way of drawing you into realising that you might lose something special. While by itself this isn’t such a bad thing, the way she’s going about it is immature and wrong. Either you break up or you don’t break up, and you need to let her know that. Semi-breaking up isn’t a viable option in a healthy relationship. It’s what kids do in high school and always results in confusion, bitterness, resentment, and all other emotions that will hinder having any kind of solid future relationship with your ex-girlfriend.

If you really love and care about your girlfriend, you’ll need to have a definite plan as to what to do to prevent your break from becoming a breakup. “Winging it” is not an option.

Sitting back and hoping things work out for the best is the even worse mistake. You need a step-by-step blueprint for getting your girlfriend back, and for putting your relationship back on track to be something you both enjoy.

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Valentine November 14, 2019 0 Comments

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship! Here Is Some Bitter But Truthful Advice for You

I am sure you have been sitting there in deep thought trying to figure out how you can get your man to finally have a relationship with you.

But so far, I am guessing you haven’t had much luck right? Let me start off with some bitter truth for you – Almost every man out there who says he doesn’t want a relationship will actually get into a relationship at some point in his life. That’s a guarantee.

But the person he will be into a relationship with may or may not be you. You see when a guy says that he doesn’t want a relationship what he is indirectly saying is that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Let’s discuss this in a bit more detail…

If he wants a relationship with you, there wouldn’t be any excuses…

If he has a clear mind and really wants a relationship with you then no excuse in the world will be big enough to stop him. And at the same time if he is unclear and isn’t sure about whether he really wants a relationship with you or not then every excuse will seem really big.

When a guy starts looking for more excuses on to be with you instead of looking for reasons to be with you then its really obvious that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

But what if he changes his mind?

Well, we have already established that if a guy really wants to be with you, he won’t make any excuses.

But I am sure now you are wondering, well what if he finally changes his mind and is ready for a relationship? Well I would like to ask you – When do you feel that time would come?

If he isn’t ready for it right now, when do you feel he is ever going to be ready? And at the same time how long are you actually willing to wait? How long are you willing to handle the confusion, pain and frustration of not knowing when he is going to finally make up his mind?

If things aren’t getting better, they’re only getting worse…

In the process of thinking that maybe he might change his mind some day many women just stick around anyway and let things run the way they are running.

But do you know what actually happens in the process? Things actually end up getting worse. When you want a relationship but he doesn’t, you have two people with completely different goals. Therefore you will push him towards your goal and he will try to push you towards his. And in the process you will only experience more arguments, disagreements and frustration. Eventually you will realize that he isn’t going to change his mind and is always going to be confused about you.

And that would be the time when you will feel the need to let him go.

Always remember that…

You can’t change his mind, or persuade him into wanting a relationship with you…

And the sooner you get this the better it’s going to be for you. Don’t sit around thinking that some day you will be able to convince him to want a relationship with you. If he is scared of a relationship right now, what makes you say that he will be less scared in the future?

You can’t make him want a relationship and at the same time you can’t convince or persuade him either. It just won’t work, and the harder you will try, the more distant he will get from you.

So what do I do now?

So what can you do? Do you really have two many options? Here are two things you can do –

Stick around and hope he will change his mind.

Or

Let him go on good terms.

I would suggest that it will be better to let him go momentarily. Because if he really wants you; then he will come back for sure.

But if he doesn’t, then you were with the wrong person to begin with. Always remember – There is another person out there who will be more than happy to be with you. So go find that person instead of wasting the precious moments of your life waiting for someone who doesn’t even want a relationship.

Points to remember –

– If he doesn’t want a relationship then he is indirectly saying that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He isn’t saying he doesn’t want a relationship at all because some day he will be in a relationship with someone else for sure.

– Don’t wait for him to change his mind about you, if he hasn’t made up his mind already, what is he really waiting for?

– Cut him off and let him miss you. Let him know that you aren’t going to sit around and wait for him if he isn’t ready for a relationship. If he can’t make up his mind about you, then let him know that you can’t make up your mind about him either.

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Valentine July 1, 2019 0 Comments

Online Relationships – The Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating

Online dating has both advantages and disadvantages and you need to weigh them in light of your reality so that you can decide if this something that you want to invest your time and emotions in.

The advantages are;

a. One of the greatest advantages of online dating is the variety that is available at your fingertips. There are sites catering to every taste and persuasion and you can specifically search for the type of relationship and man that you want. The beauty lies in the fact that you can specify what you want in terms of faith, geographical location, race, age group, how much he earns etc; and you can also get an idea of what the man looks like from his profile picture (or pictures). It’s wonderful….like a supermarket shelf full of men!

b. Another advantage of online dating is that it is non- threatening. It is so much easier to write to a stranger that you met online then to walk up to the same guy at the supermarket and start a conversation. It is so much less threatening if he turns you down online compared to when he turns you down face-to-face. I don’t know why but it just is.

c. The conversation flows so much more easily with an online relationship as opposed to face-to-face dating. For some reason our inhibitions drop and we are able to write and to come across as smarter or funnier then when we are face to face. I guess the fact that you don’t have to deal with his physical presence allows you to concentrate on only writing, giving you some really good results (so to speak).

d. An online relationship progresses much faster than a traditional relationship since we have a tendency to share much more as we are inclined to spend a lot more time online with each other. Even when we are doing something else we can keep in touch and are able to share with him throughout the day. This builds a sense of intimacy very quickly.

The disadvantages are;

a. Sham people! The greatest danger of online dating is that you are really open to being conned. An experienced conman can take advantage of you especially because your constant communication gives you the illusion that you really know him. You need to remember that ‘who he presents himself as’ is not always ‘who he really is says he’. Of course this can also happen with a guy you met at the supermarket but it is magnified with online dating. His whole profile could be a forgery while if you had met him in the traditional way, you would at least know what he looks like physically. The problem here is that all the information you have about him has come from him…as the relationship progresses you will need to find information about him from other sources. Being careful to ensure that these are sources which he cannot manipulate.

The beauty of online dating is the variety, how anonymous it is and the freedom that it affords but these same attributes are what make it dangerous. To have a great online relationship the advantages you enjoy because of your special circumstances need to far out-weigh the disadvantage and now that you know the dangers you can take steps to minimize them.

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Valentine April 12, 2019 0 Comments