Relationship Advice – Are You In A Transitional Relationship?

Transitional relationships occur when a person has left what was a serious relationship and is not immediately looking for that someone special. But in the meantime, if they happen upon someone they can get along with reasonably well, and can basically tolerate, then they will stay with them until someone better comes along. Thus, the relationship is a transitional relationship and “will do” until they find someone else they want to have a special relationship with.

Why would someone be willing to settle for “just” someone when they know there is no hope of the relationship ever progressing past a certain point? It’s simple… they don’t want to be alone.

Why would a transitional relationship be appealing to anyone? Because a person might have been involved in a long-term relationship, or one that was of a shorter duration but very serious, only to see it end. This particular person wants to be in another serious relationship at some stage, but in the meantime, they certainly don’t want to rush into anything. This “interim” relationship solves the problem for them.

How do you know if you are in a transitional relationship (even if the obvious signs aren’t enough proof)? Here are a few guidelines to show if you are in a transitional relationship. If any of these apply, you’re in one:

1. You’re in it just for the intimacy. There is nothing of substance in the relationship. You just like being with them for fun stuff and then at the end of the “date” you are really done with them until the next rendezvous. There are no emotional ties whatsoever.

2. It involves someone you already knew. This could be a friend, a close friend, or even someone you have had a previous relationship with. Again, you are only interested in what you can get out of this particular relationship when you are around them. You have absolutely no desire to follow this through for any significant period of time.

3. The person you are with now… is just like you. They are also only looking for a transitional relationship. It makes perfect sense to both of you really, since now each of you knows exactly what they can expect out of the relationship, well in advance; then no one has to get hurt.

4. This person is not really someone you would be proud to introduce to your family or any of your friends. That’s why the details about the relationship, and often, even the existence of the relationship itself, are kept secret to most. Neither one of you want the attention: especially from family members and close friends.

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Valentine February 14, 2018 0 Comments

You Do not Bring Me Flowers

Hello my friends,

To quote a famous song that was sung by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond, the title says it all. The lyrics are as follows:

You do not bring me flowers

You do not sing me love songs

You severely talk to me anymore

When you come through the door

At the end of the day

I remember when

You could not wait to love me

Used to hate to leave me

Now after loving 'me late at night

When it's good for you

And you're feeling alright

Well you just roll over

And you turn out the light

And you do not bring me flowers anymore

It used to be so natural

To talk about forever

But 'used to Be's' do not count anymore

They just lay on the floor

'Til we sweep them away

And baby, I remember

All the things you taught me

I learned how to laugh

And I learned how to cry

Well I learned how to love

Even learned how to lie

You'd think I could learn

How to tell you goodbye

'Cause you do not bring me flowers anymore

There are so many out there that can not only read these lyrics, but they have LIVED them. The song itself is talking about the love that what once was. We have all been there. We can listen to love songs and feel our hearts swell because we have placed value as well as people in the roles that were once played in our lives. People come and people go yet the memories of our minds can not exceed the feelings in our hearts.

No one can write down exactly how it feels to be broken hearted. The feeling is devastating, cold and very lonely. Feeling you have NEVER felt creep in and you begin to slowly fade into the shadows of depression. You friends and family begin to worry and you tend to wonder if you will ever be happy again. When you heart is broken, a simple task such as smiling seems almost impossible. Staring at your feet and thinking of once was a warm bed for two can be Over-whelming. Tears form and slowly find themselves caressing your cheeks as the fall silently off your chin and on your shoes.

Sometimes the darkness comes too soon. We tend to let the memories of yesterday take over our present and ruin our future. Let the tread mill begin because we are going no where emotionally.

Now sit back and relax … here is where you are going to change your life. I can 100% guarantee if you have an open mind and a willing heart that you can not only get "YOU" back, but you can become the person you were destined to be. We all have a purpose, we all all destined for something great NO MATTER HOW YOU ARE FEELING NOW.

Let's break this down …

The word "NOW" means the present. In the present you MAY feel horrible but chances are something is going to happen.

1. You are going to feel better in time

2. You are going to feel BETTER THAN GREAT in time.

Regardless of how you look at it, you are going to be fine. We all know the No Contact rule, we know what others have done to get their ex back, we know the success stories and we know those who have become wiser since their best efforts to get someone back. You life is what you make it. NOT SOMEONE ELSE. If you base your happiness on someone else, and they leave, what have you gained? Where is your happiness, where is your victory? Where is your self-confidence? In short, YOU GAVE IT AWAY !!

What so many people do not realize, is that MOST OF THE TIME, there is NO ACTION involved in getting a lover back.

** READ THAT AGAIN PLEASE **

'MOST OF THE TIME, there is NO ACTION involved in getting a lover back.'

Let me explain …

I know what your thinking. You want to tell me by doing nothing NOTHING will happen and I am here to tell you that you are wrong. Depending on the love bond that was created when you were together, NOT THE TIME involved, the love bond itself … this will be the very key to getting your lover back.

If you want to look at it this way, ask yourself these questions and be 100% honest: Feel free to write your answers.

1. Did I give my ex the respect they deserved?

2. Describe my lover saying they loved me, did they show it consistently?

3. Did I give my lover the space they needed?

4. Did I encourage my lover to be the best they could be?

5. Was I a good listener to my lover?

6. Would I consider my lover my best friend?

7. If my lover and I disagreed, did we agree to disagree?

8. Did I give up myself in order to be loved by them?

9. Do you believe that You + Your Ex = Your Happiness?

10. Do you know that you are going to alright no matter what?

Getting a lover back, starts with YOU. I do not care what your friends say, LOVE does not cost a thing. Do you think for ONE MOMENT that a dozen roses is going to bring back your ex? Or an expensive gift? A declaration of changing? A ring? A false promise that you will keep for maybe 2 months? A proposal?

One honest answer "NO !!" The reason is they want YOU … NOT gifts. You were amazing enough to get to know in the beginning. Were you acting? Were you on your best behavior "just because?" When you said you loved them did ya mean it or were you just trying to keep them with you?

People breakup because of several reasons but the main one is simple.

Does this sound familiar?

"They started to change and act different"

You were born an individual and you will die one. You are a separate person from what you love. You are able to be happy with yourself and NOT put that pressure on someone else. Ever met a whiner? Someone who does not want to do this or that? No matter what you want to do to make them happy or please them, it just will not happen. Its because they do not value themselves. Run away like FOREST GUMP as fast as you can !! You will be beating your head against the wall if you attempt this one.

Most of the comments and emails I get ask questions like "What do you think they?" The answer is "WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" We are not mind reader. We have NO IDEA what others are thinking. What is the thing you do know 100%? You know what you are doing and what you are thinking?

* Important *

GO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW … NOT WHAT YOU ASSUME OR HEARD!

I do not care if you talk to your ex's parents … (bad idea) GO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW!

If you are assuming something, let it go. Tell your self it is ONLY an assumption and let it go. It solves nothing and you will worry yourself into make HUGE mistakes in the long run.

Take the focus off your ex and put it on you. IT IS NOT SELFISH !! You can do NOTHING (an action) to bring your ex back. Leave them alone and by doing so you are actually creating a loving experience.

Here's why:

Ever had a breakup, and out of desperation, all you want your ex to go is LISTEN to you because you think you can explain why or you assume you can talk them out of the breakup. The more you call, drop by, follow your ex to work, text message or email, the more and more they are going to look at you (SOMEONE THEY ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH) AS CRAZY !!! You did not leave them alone when all you had to do is take the focus off of them and onto you. What you have done is create a BETTER reason for breaking up with you. YOU JUST VALIDATED YOU EX !! AARRGGHH !!

Ever been told by someone you love to "PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE and GO AWAY !?" Sadly, you did it to yourself. Do you know what an urban myth is? It's something you may have heard but you do not know if it is true or not? Well let me give you the TRUTH on something.

** Listen carefully **

TOP TEN WAYS TO NEVER GET YOU EX BACK!

1. Threading

2. Beg

3. Stalk

4. Email or text too much (let it go..it solves nothing)

5. Promises of change

6. Drunken phone calls or visits

7. Calling their friends or parents! NO WAY! DO NOT EVEN GO THERE!

8. Name calling or yelling

9. Drugs

10.Hurting yourself in an effort to provoke sympathy from your ex.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can not express that is it NOT about them. It is about you; What you do that matters. When I say "do" I am referring to way of helping yourself. If you ex loves you and you improve yourself how can you go wrong? I'm NOT saying that they will come back but your chances are almost tripled if you do. Do not ask friends about your ex, ask them what you can do to improve yourself? Let them help YOU. You can do it! Love as no limits.

Take responsibility for your OWN actions. You have no control over your ex WHATSOEVER! NONE! You can change or do do nothing to change their mind. If you continue to wait for someone who does not; t know what they want … MOVE ON !!

Ever stand in a line where you were ordering food and the person in front of you was indecisive? Do you get annoyed? Does it bother you? Do you wait and wait and wait making excuses and time lowly ticks by? I SERIOUSLY doubt it, I bey you MOVE TO A DIFFERENT line. STOP making excuses for others and stand up straight be YOU! Let them worry about them. Sounds a tad ugly but you can not sit around waiting for a train at the bus station !! It will never come!

In closing, I want to say this to all the broken hearted out there. I say a prayer for you guys every night. I am here because I care and God has given me a purpose. I have the ability to do AMAZING things and you have the git within you as well. There are HUNDREDS of gifted people who have been were you on this wonderful forum that are here to help you when you feel down, free of charge. I was once just like you. I got my ex back. I loved her back to me. It was a tough road but it was not until I let go, did we come back together. We typically find what we are looking for when we are NOT looking for it.

You have the potential to do whatever your desires. You have to make it happen. You can not expect the world to give it to you but it is there to take if you want it bad enough. People will come and go in your life. Stay with those who make a positive impact. We become the company we keep. Surround yourself with success and you will inherit that ability because you will want it bad enough. The same goes for this forum, surround yourself with caring, loving people from around the world and one day..you will not be taking advise, you will be the one giving it.

I wish you all the best. God bless and reach for the stars!

YOU CAN DO IT … believe in yourself!

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Raj Maurya February 14, 2018 0 Comments

The Relationship Game – Checkmate or Check Mate?

A few days ago, I was watching a television show (which one I can’t remember), and one of the characters said, “When someone says NO and the other person refuses to accept the NO, and tries to turn it into a YES, then they are manipulating you.” For some reason, those words have been echoing in my mind ever since. And, as I write, I wonder why such enduring reverberation?

Do they echo because I’m reminded of those times when I didn’t accept NO, or remembering those times when my NO was ignored? Am I the manipulator or the manipulatee? Maybe, it really doesn’t matter which one I’ve been…just that I’m noticing my reaction.

For me, a breakthrough in creating loving relationships means to have the courage to be honest. Being honest in a relationship means taking full ownership of your NOs (and YESes). And, it is this precise subject that I consider my life as a Relationship Master Class. In this master class I’ve made great strides, and I’ve failed miserably.

Maybe, you can relate.

There have been times in my life where I’ve owned my NOs, or better said, shoved them down my partner’s throat. In those times, I was so clear (stringent) about what I would or wouldn’t do, that perhaps, my partner felt disregarded. In contrast, there were other times where I was so accommodating (invisible) about my personal boundaries that any NO could quickly be converted intoYES-if I even managed to articulate it at all.

“I’ve got self-esteem for sale real, real, low, and I’m looking to buy unconditional love at top-shelf prices! Is anybody listening? TOP-SHELF PRICES!!!” As I look back, I can see that my whole life has been a quest for balance. Balance in the sense that I allow myself the freedom to say/do what I want AND include my partner as an important part of my life-and my decision-making process. But more than that, I want to cultivate a relationship in which my partner could clearly articulate what he wanted, and I would immediately create an accepting space.

The problem is, sometimes I don’t really know what I want. Sometimes, what I want depends on what I “think” my partner wants. Sometimes what I want is influenced by what I “think” would make my partner happy. So, in other words, it may not be what I would want, but perhaps just because it’s something that Michal wants, maybe I should check it out? Or maybe, the truth is, I allow myself to say YES to a few things that I really don’t want, just so that I can one day say, “Remember that thing I didn’t really want to do, and I did it anyway? Well, today I’m calling in my markers.”

You know the system I mean, don’t you? The RSE, or as it is more commonly known: The Relationship Stock Exchange-the system of wholesale relationship bartering that we use as a clearing house of our relationship credits and debits. This unspoken system, with volumes and indices as high as The New York Stock Exchange; used every day to trade relationship commodities. Looking back at your own life, it may not be difficult to imagine yourself as a frenzied RSE trader screaming, “I’ve got self-esteem for sale real, real, low, and I’m looking to buy unconditional love at top-shelf prices! Is anybody listening? TOP-SHELF PRICES!!!”

If you’ve been a consistent reader of my blog, you’ve probably noticed my usual pattern is to wrap things up rather neatly. However, this week, I find that I’m not really motivated to find a way to “package” it ever so nicely and hand it to you. This week, I want to leave you (and myself with a question). The question is, “What do you want?”

In my work with people, it has been my experience that those four simple words can be extremely intimidating. They are overwhelming. They are relentless. They are insistent. And, they leave no doubt as to their intent…

WHAT = insinuates the infinite possibility of answers. DO = puts “something” into motion. YOU = places the focus on YOU and ignores everyone else. WANT = requires the articulation of an impulse, wish, or want. When you think about the question that way, there’s no wonder those words often stop us in our tracks. The implication of the question is that anything could be put into motion that YOU wish/want/hope-given the scope of the natural universal laws. The implication is that we’re infinitely powerful, yet we often feel small, insignificant, and victimized. The implication is that, in our relationships, we have ceased to relate to one another (and ourselves), and instead have equated relationships as a game of manipulate or be manipulated.

So, for now, begin to open up to the possibility of breakthrough in creating loving relationships by sincerely asking yourself the question. And, when the question is asked of you, stop and notice if your automatic answers are honest. Check in to see if when you ask someone what they want, if you leave room for them to be honest with you. And another thing, sometimes the person we’ve been manipulating all these long years is ourselves!

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Valentine February 14, 2018 0 Comments

What is the Relationship Between Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Glutamate, and ADHD?

It does not seem that long ago that most ADHD research was looking primarily at the roles of the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine in focus, concentration, self-control, and ADHD. But since one-third of the neurotransmitters in the brain are glutamate, and brain research is now looking at the intricate relationships between glutamate, dopamine, and norepinephrine in the functioning of the pre-frontal cortex.

Research is revealing that the glutamate network neurotransmissions from the pre-frontal cortex to other areas of the brain are more important than previously thought, and that they are enhanced by dopamine and norepinephrine. Too little dopamine or norepinephrine is a problem, and too much is a problem. The importance of glutamate in PFC functioning is beginning to come to the forefront in research.

Neuro-science is beginning to move away from seeing ADHD as just a problem with dopamine and/or norepinephrine, and is moving toward a better understanding of the brain as a network with networks of relationships such as the relationship between dopamine, norepinephrine, the glutamate excitatory neurotransmitters which are about 30-35% of all neurotransmitters in the brain, and their relationship to ADHD.

In this newer framework of understanding the PFC and ADHD, the new medication Intuniv from Shire has caused a bit of a buzz. It seems that Intuniv enhances the glutamate in the PFC. This is a new approach to ADHD treatment.

Amy Arnsten, Ph.D., is the Director of the Arnsten Lab, Dept or Neurobiology at Yale University. According to its website, the Arnsten Lab “studies molecular influences on the higher cognitive functions of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), with the overarching goal of developing rational treatments for cognitive disorders and mental illness… Research has focused on how the catecholamines norepinephrine (NE) and dopamine (DA), powerfully and dynamically modulate PFC cognitive function and physiology through intracellular signaling mechanisms.” The lab helped Shire Pharmaceuticals in the development of Intuniv for ADHD treatment.

The Arnsten Lab has been able show how the relationship between dopamine and norepinephrine and the ratios of dopamine to norepinephrine, can impact and improve cognitive functions such as focus, memory, and attention. Too much or too little of either neurotransmitter decrease cognitive functions, both in terms of the performance of brain cells, and in real world behaviors and performance. But when the ratios and relationships are just right, performance is improved.

Their work, along with the work of many others, is often focused on the a2-receptor sites in the pre-frontal cortex. These researchers have reported on the benefits of norepinephrine at these PFC receptor sites, and have also shown the benefits of stimulating these receptor sites with the medication guanfacine (intuniv). It appears that guanfacine improved cognitive functioning in the pre-frontal cortex.

In addition, the research of Craig Berridge and his team at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has focused on the effects of stimulants on the brain. He has shown that the main effects of stimulants are on the frontal lobes of the brain, and that small doses of methylphenidate actually impact the effects of norepinephrine in the pre-frontal cortex more than they impact the effects of dopamine in the PFC, though both are enhanced. This research has also shown that when the a2 receptors in the pre-fronatal cortex are blocked that the symptoms of ADHD can be created in a subject, including lack of self-control, impulsivity, and hyperactivity (Berridg et al, 2006).

All of this new understanding of the effects of neurotransmitters in the pre-frontal cortex, and the impact of medications on the PFC, will help future research on new medication treatments to help children and adults who suffer from ADHD.

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Valentine February 14, 2018 0 Comments

Saving Your Marriage: Is There A Lack of Equality In Your Relationship?

The notion that every human being has equal worth seems to express this point more accurately than the frequently used phrases ‘equal rights’ or ‘equal opportunities’.

The equality I am talking about here is not only equality in relation to the law of the land, but equal rights and responsibilities in human terms. Everyone is entitled to expect the same fair and equitable treatment, respect, consideration, dignity, education and access to information; to work and to share in every aspect of human life. All human beings are entitled to aspire to freedom, love, happiness and peace; to obey their own consciences and to lead their own spiritual lives; to follow their own personal aims and aspirations. Every human being has the right to every one of these things, because they are a prerequisite of social equality and an expression of the concept that all people are equally valuable and precious, simply because they are human.

Of course individual rights may vary according to a person’s function within a group. For example, in a group such as a residents’ association or a music society, each committee member has specific rights with respect to achieving the goals of the group, defined by his or her function. For example, the chairperson has the right to decide who speaks next, and the treasurer will speak first when it comes to decisions on financial matters.

These individual rights that relate to the different functions of group or family members, however, are not as significant as basic human rights, and it is vital that they are not assigned different values, as in the past, particularly when issues of gender, race or class are involved. Marriage is a partnership in which two individuals of opposite sexes but equal worth as human beings choose to live together as equals. This statement may seem self-evident. It is not, however, the traditional view of marriage. How many adults can look back on their own parents’ marriage as an equal partnership? Examples of such true equality in the marriages of previous generations are few and far between.

Because we may not have personal experience of equality in marriage, it falls to the lot of most couples to work things out in their own way. Is it surprising, then, that so many couples fail and give up the struggle? The relative novelty of the concept of equal partnership, and the difficulties that couples experience in trying to achieve it, are prime causes of the rising divorce rate and the general lack of confidence in marriage as a way of life. The proof of this is clearly seen in the fact that two generations ago, it was usually the man who initiated divorce proceedings. Today more women want to leave their husbands than the other way around.

Until very recently, society was entirely on the side of men and their time-honoured privileges, and women seemed meekly to accept the inferior role assigned to them. Today society has recognized the necessity for and justice of equal rights for women. Conscious of both their equality and their new legal rights, women are refusing to accept a subordinate role and are opting for individual freedom. As often happens, social custom is lagging behind legislation.

That is why so many marriages are in trouble today: the law says the partners are equal, but society still expects the wife to take time off work to look after a sick child or wait for the plumber to fix the washing machine, and women frequently shoulder the double burden of housework and a job. Women are less and less likely to accept this unequal treatment, and the rise in divorce rates is, in part, a result of their dissatisfaction.

Of course there are undeniable differences between men and women. Few women can compete with men in physical strength, and no man has ever suckled a child. These differences in certain abilities and functions do not, however, imply a difference in worth as human beings. Thus it is that both partners have equal rights to express their opinions, which neither partner has any right to overrule from some preconceived notion of superiority. Above all, it is important to bear in mind that when consulting or making decisions together as a couple, there can be no simple majority to ensure fairness. Couples must therefore take pains to ensure that each partner has an equal say in the affairs of the family. Again, one partner may deserve special consideration by virtue of particular skills or additional knowledge, but this consideration does not affect anyone’s overall worth as an individual, and neither should habitually overrule the other.

We live today in a stage of transition, when the traditional roles of men and women in society are changing, and these changes are having a profound impact on marriage. As women juggle full-time work outside the home with their traditional responsibilities of child-rearing and house- work within it, stresses will be felt, and stereotypical divisions of labour will have to be adjusted between husband and wife. Every couple today must negotiate these new challenges, and find its own way of living together as two equals in a harmonious and sustainable relationship.

The promotion of women to a position of equality is not, therefore, a mere matter of fair play within the law. It goes far beyond that. It entails the establishment of a completely revised set of relationships between human beings; relationships based not on tradition or physical strength but on mutual rights, responsibilities and friend- ship. Only in this way can we function fully as human beings and enjoy a rich and rewarding life within marriage, with husband and wife walking side by side, and neither partner lagging behind.

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Valentine February 14, 2018 0 Comments